Only allowed 3 histamines in 24 hours.
Is there any relief?
To add salt to the wound it is weekend. Meaning many patients get home leave and depart from the hospital mid-morning. So it’s even more deadly quiet 🤫 and more hard hitting on us left that we are too poorly to be allowed leave. We miss home so much. That’s the only place we dream of being.
Mealtimes are getting harder I am now left on my own to carry the conversation.
I am tired, weak and exhausted.
I am not one to cause a scene and other patients purposely say they are unwell and get listened to yet when I say I don’t feel well it’s never noted down or recorded.
I don’t fit the brief so they have no idea what to do.
They can all tell my throat is sore and my body js struggling but don’t do anything.
Yet others complain and get seen too.
Mealtimes are a nightmare. I try to enjoy what I have infront of me and I always finish my plate and sit there waiting for another half an hour until everyone has finished.
They can’t say I am being difficult or anything of that nature.
My oxygen levels are now darting around but they try and catch it at its best so for my records it appears normal and they don’t have to give me oxygen.
After 3 days of asking for a doctor it’s taken having chest pains and my oxygen levels dropping to the point of possibly needing oxygen for them to take notice and finally ring the doctor.
Then I get rushed to have an emergency ECG for the doctor to check.
Now..
They are trying to take note of all my symptoms.
It shouldn’t take feeling this unwell to finally have been listened too.
***
Seen the doctor and it was a total waste of time.
He rocks up like some gangster- all black, trackies, a Nike top and Versace shoes.
Sniffling himself.
He told me my ECG was ok and heart was beating ( like we didn’t know that ! I am still alive ).
My temperature is rising and I am struggling to focus more and more.
I was told I could have 1 tablet for pain relief.
Jeeeeeze that won’t touch anything and it hasn’t.
It really hasn’t.
Everyone keeps asking me if I feel any better like some miracle will have happened and ask me why I don’t go on the walks.
I am just trying to get through the day without extra stress of walks and the cold on my body.
My body hates me right now.
When having snacks however I choose what I want .. everything is going to react with me so what’s the point choosing something that may give me less symptoms ..
So everyone else sits with their yoghurts and cereal and I pick toast and chocolate bars.
But I can’t take anymore milk and yoghurts the level of dairy just causes so much acid reflux and upset stomach.
I am craving more fruit and vegetables though.
We get very little and I am used to so much.
The lack of nutritious food is a joke.
Maybe I should be grateful for them still giving me my nerve pain medications and not running out.
Now, 12 days without my Lyme med’s mean my symptoms are also heightening.
Pain, pain, pain. My face is covered with the strain of it all.
I am trying to be cheery and postive but I am covered in pain. I don’t even know how I am moving.
***
Dinner - well we had two staff on our table ( as they all love being on our table ) and as always we were the loudest table we were laughing and having a nice chat whilst everyone else was in silence. Dinner itself, dinner was nice a hummus sandwich 🥪 on brown soft bread ( the dream ) and salt and vingear crisps ( like I would choose ANY other flavour). And then a yoghurt - that was the killer.
We then have to sit in the lounge for an hour and do the evening group activity, but I was feeling very sick, my stomach was in knots and my eyes were blurring. My oxygen levels continue to decrease.
To add salt to the wound the evening snack is cereals and milk! 200mls of milk. I really don’t know if I am going to be able to tolerate this milk tonight..
Each day the more I eat the wrong things the more my symptoms heighten or I get new symptoms.
I have 30 minutes until snack.. and after dinner trying to talk to Matthew I was mixing my words up! Calling tomatoes, potatoes, unable to say the right word.
My migraine on the right side of my head is making me go crazy.
I will finish here for today ( whilst I am still able to write )
It’s been another challeneging day.. every second feels like I have run a marathon. I cannot tell you how scary it is feeling so unwell in a place you get fobbed off, ignored or made to feel silly. You are totally alone. You can’t rely on anyone.
You are used to looking after yourself but when you are in a place which is supposed to give you a break and help you .. it’s doesn’t sit well. The nights are long and the days are a battle.
Have a blessed weekend 💕💫 cherish your loved ones and care for them deeply.
S
Xoxo