Feeling horrible today. Everyday that passes you hope you will feel a little better and be able to cope better but no.
My symptoms are really heightening now and they are becoming unbearable.
My eyes are barely open today as my migraines are so bad.
The staff always quickly nip in and out of my room so I can’t tell them how I feel.
They keep feeding me dairy and it’s getting harder and harder to keep it down when it doesn’t want to stay down. It’s giving me extreme headaches, nausea, dizziness, reflux and cramps. My body is aching.. I am so sensitive to touch and light. Yet I am hungry.
But yet again nobody is bothered it’s ‘normal’ - no it’s not normal. I know my own body, I live with it.
It’s like talking to brick walls. They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t cold this morning as I was just in t-shirt but I was running a fever for me and clammy.. yet this temperature was still below normal but considered ok for them. They don’t ask questions. They just score me, meaning I have to be retested in 30 minutes. Then they wonder why I still flag up and score again. Because waiting 30 minutes isn’t going to change how poorly I am feeling.
Luckily, when I got my morning meds this morning the nurse could see how poorly I was and gave me two pain killers.
We have had all afternoon with no water, so we are all dehydrated and beyond thirsty.
And two people yet again have run out of med’s and have been told they may have to wait until Monday for them.
It’s out of order.
All med’s are important and they can be very dangerous when suddenly missed and stopped. That doesn’t seem to be a problem here.
They are ringing around the main building in hope they will have some but again, it shouldn’t be the case.
We still after four days we don’t have any nuts!!!
And I wasn’t even allowed to get up early and in my own time go and decorate children in need cakes because I hadn’t been kitchen trained and nobody was willing to teach me.
My joints in my right hand are incredibly painful meaning typing this is causing tremendous pain. My hope and positivity is strongly being tested.
My old swimming friend Sophie Kenny came to visit last night. She said she doesn’t know how I am coping and that I am really positive. I don’t know how I am coping but I don’t see myself as positive either.
I should be more jolly and grateful.
Today I’ve felt so unwell I’ve hardly spoken to anyone & have really kept myself to myself.. well I can barely see to stand up so I have too many challenges to face trying to be normal. Without the added strain of trying to engage and think up conversation.
Leaving meal times at the table very quiet and awkward.
But I am simply too weak to even feel guilty for not talking more.
On just having dinner and then getting mine wrong, giving me cous cous instead of rice. Then not having any rice. To then have to have a jacket potato with cheese and beans but they didn’t have any beans so they had to go over to the main building and get some to then cook my dinner, which was not what I was supposed to have and the little vegetables I would have got with the bean stew with rice .. was replaced with yet more dairy and starch.
So I was sat waiting at the table for 20 minutes whilst they sorted my jacket potatoe out!!! It’s unbelieveable.
But which is the lesser of the two evils the cheese or oil loaded veg and rice.
I don’t really know.
My body is seriously dead.
I thought it was Sunday so finding out it’s Friday upset me a lot.. more days to battle through.
I pray you all have a blessed weekend. Please practise gratitude and enjoy yourselves. However you choose to spend your time.
S
Xoxo