The days are busy, yet the hours are long.
The pain, is endless and there is no relief.
After speaking to my clinical nurse yesterday she seemed to understand my situation abit more and became more open minded. Understanding the objective and my frustrations.
Nobody speaks - it’s forever silent. You try your hardest to be support and talk. Though their thoughts and feelings are alien to me and I have no idea what to say anymore. Which makes group activities and time together tasking.
I am physically and mentally zapped by 10pm.
My blood sugar levels are everywhere and they can’t understand why, but after speaking openingly on the Lyme discussion group about it, it is a major symptom.
It’s never normally been a problem at home because I don’t feed the bacteria with refined sugars. The more artificial products I have the worse my symptoms are becoming.
It’s a lot to deal with.
When you feel unwell it’s one thing, when it’s dismissed and ignored it’s another.
I am starving.. and just want food so badly.
My symptoms are becoming worse and unbearable. I was feeling so unwell last night I had to have my door open and observed every five minutes.
I am becoming weaker.
I feel unwell but what can my body use to fight it all off?
I am trying my best to let’s say do what I love - help and support people. I don’t want to be the patient that nobody remembers or who is seen as heartless.
Everyone in here are going through a rough time. Even if you don’t feel on the same page as them doesn’t mean you have to ignore them or be rude to them. You should always show kindness and simply telling them you like their slippers or jumper can really give them a boost.
This morning we did a positive thinking exercise where we had to write positive thoughts and quotes about ourselves. Many struggled. You could see how hard it was for some of the girls to write positive things down on paper 📝.
I tried my best to help them find something to write down. Just showing them your piece of paper with your notes and sharing famous uplifting quotes like; ‘Impossible is I’m possible’ by Audrey Hepburn, ‘Things have to fall apart for better things to fall together.’ by Monroe. Just offering a few ideas and them seeing your paper gives them ideas and allows them to see it’s normal and acceptable to write positive things and thoughts about yourself and your journey. They all thanked me and I felt better for hopefully helping and supporting them.
I always use tasks like the above to distract myself from my own pain.
I want to distance myself from it and fill my mind, body and soul with purpose to keep going and pushing through.
I can’t just sit there and let it all get on top of me and ultimately defeat me.
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I have been super busy and overwhelmed with visitors and people wanting / asking to visit.
At first I didn’t want any visitors.
Now, now I have sat and thought about it more. I realise you all want to visit because you are a massive part of my story and journey.
I have to be honourable of that and thankful to have all of your support.
As without you I wouldn’t continue or have the motivation to keep blogging.
I am pleased I made my Nana’s day on Friday seeing her on her birthday, even though it was difficult really feeling on top form.
With ward rounds tomorrow and more talks with the doctors, dieticians and nurses it’s going to be a stressful and busy day.
I apologise my blogs are a little more irregular I am struggling to juggle everything. I will always make time though for the work I enjoy most.
Have a beautiful family Sunday. Watching Christmas movies, eating good food and enjoying each other’s company.
S
Xoxo
