A wedding and a charity black tie ball.
The busiest weekend in months when it comes to socialising.
How do I feel?
Many of you who follow my blogs will know that earlier this week I began new treatment and had my first go at Rife treatment. This has left me with severe flare up's and feeling truly exhausted.
It's been a struggle and that's no word of a lie.
There have been many tears and so many doubts about how I was going to cope with & through these amazing events.
The preparations?
On the Monday I broke down in tears when we were on our way to the doctors for my weekly, bloods, ECG and weight. I had, had a rough weekend of endless pain and I knew what I had on this week. Knowing I wasn't where I wanted to be health wise at this point was upsetting me on top of the added pain.
Luckily my bloods and tests were good for this week. My liver levels lowering, weight going up and ECG all ok. Even though my white blood cells had dropped which just shows my immune system is being tested with all the extra toxins from recent treatments. I was happy with the results.
All was ok.
By Wednesday and Thursday I was preparing for the weekend trying to get a helping hand with all the little touches, hair, nails and brows. To make the preparations on the day easier & quicker for me. However each day I was breaking down, doubting whether or not I could handle everything.
I was feeling so unwell and just being out of the house for 2-3 hours was zapping me.
How the hell was I going to hack full day and night events?
On Wednesday I was all for not going. I really couldn't see how I would be able to cope.
The events;
The wedding day came.
It took me 5 hours to get myself breakfast, brunch, bathed, dressed and sorted before the event even started.
I was proud of myself pulling it all together and managing to make myself look half-decent and alive. Mama even telling me I looked like a different girl.
I felt glam, which for so long I have not felt. Though I was incredibly nervous. I knew whether I liked it or not I would be been judged for my appearance and how I conducted myself on the day.
All the anxiety and getting prepped had exhausted me but I painted the smile on and try to flow with the day.
The event was enjoyable and difficult. I enjoyed the company that surrounded me and I tried extremely hard to make conversation with as many people as possible. This really took so much out of me. I also found it extremely challeneging as my life is so different to people my age and well everyone's life really.
I don't have uni, I don't go out clubbing, I don't drink really, I haven't travelled much recently and well I feel my life is world's apart from theirs. I don't feel up to date with the new 'hang outs' or how people spend their time these days. To feel able to create a decent, fun conversation.
It's worlds away from hospitals and doctors appointments. People don't want to hear all that boring stuff nor do I really want to speak about that part of my life.
Which makes conversation extremely challeneging, on top of exhaustion and a mind that isn't as sharp as it used to be.
I spent so many hours since and am still worrying over what people thought of me and if I embarrassed myself or bore them with my conversation & presence.
I truly hope I didn't.
By 7.30pm I hit my wall. I was shutting down and could feel myself become less attached to the event, my brain was fogging over and I was too tired to keep up my chatting, bubbly self. I needed to leave before becoming a complete zombie.
8pm and Mama picked me up. I missed the first dance and the evening do. Though I saw out the main event so that was the most important thing to me. To be present for the memorable moments.
**
Unfortunately I was sick overnight and had chills. I think it was the anxieties of the day catching up with me and from being cold most of the day.
I was all for not attending Saturday night through Friday night but as Saturday went on I motivated myself to get my act together and go.
Come on,
We can't miss an excuse to wear a long dress now can we.
St Catherine's Hospice Charity Ball:
The night started well. I felt I had managed to re-charge quite a lot from the wedding.
I was still struggling to breath and feeling very sick but I was able to ignore them and focus on the present moment.
We enjoyed a lovely evening, raising a lot of money for a good cause. Mama being the number one bidder and out bidding all the men on amazing prizes. We came away with 3 amazing signed pictures.
I was quite chatting and bubbly through the meal but after the meal and being at the event for 2 and a bit hours I was beginning to lose my trail of thought, mix up words in conversation and my pain was radiating.
The comedian came on and I used this time to zone out a little. I needed a break. I smiled and laughed a little but I didn't know what I was really laughing at or for as I had checked out. I required the re-charge time.
The auction took place and there were so many amazing pieces. We got the best for sure though. Items that can be kept and cherished forever. Knowing that in receiving such amazing pieces we donated such a lovely cause just adds to how precious they are.
We then made our excuses, feeling too zapped for the disco bit of the night and arriving home, in bed for 1am.
A long few days.
I am thankful to have been a part of the events that have taken place this weekend and am pleased I did take part in them despite the fears, anxiety and ill-health that nearly meant I didn't make them.
My immune system has taken a battering and so I don't know how this week's bloods and tests will go tomorrow. I just know that I am feeling very ill. I feel l can barely breathe, like a hole has been drilled through my wipe pipe. In the day I can ignore it the best I can, but in the night you do worry that you won't get enough air and will just stop breathing.
Through all this weeks challenges, through fighting through the hardships I have had some big postitives which I will share with you in tomorrow's blog with getting the word out there and awareness.
For now enjoy the pictures and I am going to plug in and recharge. I am zapped and I know and understand that it's going to take me some time now to recover from my crazy, wild couple of days!! ( remember the above are my crazy, wild nights that would equal everyone else's 3 days festivals level of crazy.)
Thank you for your support.
Finally thank you so, so much for everyone's beautiful, kind comments on my Instagram through the weekend. They really helped motivate me and warmed my heart! Love you all.
Love and peace,
S
Xoxo
