Self love the love we all want to feel yet it's the hardest thing in the world to truly feel and harbour.
So how can we improve the love we have for ourselves, to feel more at home and at peace with ourselves.
Recently, feeling so overwhelmed myself with life changes, adaptations, my body being a foe rather than a friend and treatments. Naturally your self-love and self-worth are the first subjects to come under fire. You begin questioning them, and with this brings along self-blame and punishment. Only supporting sadness.
Let's flip the cards and consciously practise self-love habits so eventually you will begin to accept you for the fab human being you are and therefore feel happier in your own skin.
So let the challenege begin..
Day 1;
What is the biggest struggle with loving yourself?
Wow.
A hard hitting question.
My biggest struggle with loving myself is the fact I see life's tests and challeneges almost as punishments. I question if I have ever committed any sins, done wrong or hurt anyone that now karma is punishing me for. Am I a bad, horrible person? Everyday I try to be the best, kindest and positive person I can be.
I know, my ill health does not help or support my fight with self-love and that I need to push it to one side to see past the fog in which illness fills my brain. I need to flip the negative thoughts I have over this topic and stop seeing them as punishments but as my strength being tested by fate to help me keep improving as a person.
What is your answer?
Day 2;
Negative beliefs you have about yourself and your skills?
Gosh, these are tasking questions. My mind is filled with doubts. Deep down I know I do the best I can do & put 150% into anything I take on. Yet I still expect more from myself. My efforts and results are never enough. I am guilty of being a dreamer, goal chaser - I can never settle or be satisfied.
I have to accept my limitations and celebrate my skills, strength and any victory's - big or small. Just by acknowledging the above will improve my mood I know that full well and something I really need to seriously practise and improve on.
Day 3;
What good habit do you want to begin this month?
Be kinder to myself. I need to learn to accept my health and strength. Some days my body will need rest and I am allowed to rest it. It's not me being lazy as I always see it. Everything I do I don't truly appreciate the value of or appreciate the hard work I have put into it; my blogs, my books, contact with the MP, research, cooking, colouring. I simply laugh them off as silly skills and little bits and bobs. When in reality they are so much more than that. The effort, time and energy I put into them. The passion and ultimate goal to heal myself and help others makes my work deserve more credit than just being silly. This I must recognise and I need to stop, appreciating all the hard work I really do put in.
Day 4;
What compliment do you struggle accepting about yourself?
You are beautiful.
It's the most amazing compliment to be given but when you are going through health issues and questioning whether you are a bad person being punished, therefore questioning your inner beauty. Then on top feeling ugly with the body your illness has given you - you feel far from beautiful. You see it as people just being nice and feeling as though they have to say it. When in reality we have to believe it, as believing it would make us feel far more comfortable in our skin whatever the situtation we may be facing. This is one tough task but one we must work on over time.
Many of you see me out and about smiling and looking happy in myself when in reality it's taken me an hour to find and feel comfortable in an outfit, had a little cry or anxiety attack and then painted on my smile to hide my insecurities. After I am so drained I just go home zone out surrounding myself in an energy saving blanket of silence and cry worrying over the judgements that will have been made and praying I hide my pain.
So silly and so damaging in terms of my sadness.
I have to accept people will have to accept me how I am.
Day 5;
What is something you need to start saying yes to?
When people tell me I am doing well, have a positive mind set and am inspiring to them. It's what I always hope people will see me as so why do I fight it and still question my mind set and all the work I do?
I need to accept their kind words- yes I do fight hard, try and stay positive and hope to be inspiring. I know that deep down because it's inbuilt within me to be that way.
Day 6;
What do you need to forgive yourself for?
Punishing myself for being poorly. I never nor would I ever wish this pain upon anyone. I have to appreciate I have never done anything to deserve this illness and so need to stop being so hard on myself. Blaming myself for ill health. I fight a tough war against my own body everyday, I am doing the best job I can.
Day 7;
Name one thing you love about your body and your personality.
My kind heart for my personality. Seeing people's joy through my acts of kindness is priceless. I get such a thrill from it, it's like a drug. This makes me want to practise it more and more. It's a trait I will never let be affected or forgotten. I hope I am remembered for my kindness.
Body - a lot more difficult. My legs used to be my favourite body part. Yet rashes, weight loss and Lyme purple veins have left me wanting to hide them from the world these days. So I would say currently my eyes- eyes are the key to the soul. My eyes will hopefully tell the person I really am, my inner beauty that time, no diesease nor illness can change.
Day 8;
Where in your life do you need to take the time to slow down and relax.
I need to slow down in general. I struggle with this. With being so active and now struggling to move I still try to push myself to do what I expect myself to do and keep up what I used to be able to do. I am getting there but I have to accept and listen to my body more. It's pain and discomfort are alarm bells that I must rest and not push through. Unfortunately I have to accept my body isn't what it once was and that slowing down isn't being lazy.
Day 9;
What's something in your life you need to get rid of?
Negative thoughts. It's difficult when you are feeling low, drained and battling pain not to feel negative from time to time. Though negative thoughts drain happiness and do not help in your healing process. They are true demons often feeding you lies.
Day 10;
How can you set better boundaries in your life?
Live by the spoon theory. Really follow it properly and accept that I really can't over do or overwhelm myself even if I am feeling ok because if I use more spoons one day I am going to suffer for it the following few days when I may need the spoons. It's hard to accept this theory as me being me wants to do everything and will push myself to experience everything, see everyone and do everything despite being on my last legs. I want to live life, it's short and try to indulge on all the treasures and pleasures it has to offer ( travel, time with the family, seeing friends etc.) I hate the thought of missing out on life. This I have had to come to terms with that I can't always make that meet ups, events and that I have to opt for an early night and my bed so then I can go out for lunch or do more the following day.
Compromise being key and balance needs to be my best friend.
Day 11;
How would you describe yourself in a loving way to a stranger?
That despite it all I can still show & share kindness. That the pain hasn't taken my personality away from me.
Day 12;
What things make you feel happy to be alive?
Family and friends. They motivate me, support me and show me love everyday. Without them I wouldn't be able to fight and keep going and that is the bottom line. They make a tough journey more fun and help turn tears into laughter. I am so lucky and grateful to them for being so amazing and thankful to have them in my life.
Day 13;
Take a selfie - just as you are and address what you like about it.
My eyes are still the key to my soul. Whether people choose to take the time to read them or not they express my happiness, sadness, joy, personality and pain.
Day 14;
What would your younger self be proud of you for today?
For getting up every morning despite feeling like death, facing people when confidence & self-esteem have been non-existent, making the best of a painful situtation and dealing with the pain the way I do.
Day 15;
What are you afraid to ask for and speak up about?
I avoid talking about my pain and symptoms if I can.
'How are you?' 'How are you feeling?' Are the dreaded questions.
I have a symptom list longer than your shopping list. I don't want to be Miss Negative and the moaner rambling on about my pain. I am also embarrassed by my pain as I want to be the fun, bubbly 23 year old not the walking dead. This is all well and good just giving the 'I'm tired' quick automatic answer means that friends and family don't get to understand the full extent of your suffering. Leading them to not fully understand or be able to help you. It's important to be more open about your pain and suffering so they can support you in the best way possible.
Day 16;
What is the most loving thing you have done for yourself.
Oh boy, I literally have no idea.
Maybe appreciating my hard work. I find it extremely difficult to celebrate my achievements and successes. So when I have looked over at my cabinet and smiled or accepted loved ones celebrating my achievements this is possibly the kindest thing I have done for myself and soul.
I normally shake off my achievements as never being enough or just silly. I need to celebrate them more. Even the little victories which these days need to be celebrated to help heal the soul and keep myself postivie.
Day 17;
When was the last time you indulgenced yourself at home.
Last night- a bubble bath,watching rubbish telly and snacking.
Day 18;
What one change do you feel you need to make to improve your happiness.
Stop punishing myself for everything.
I punish and blame myself for everything, even if it's out of my control I still apologise and take on the burden and blame.
Everyone tells me to stop saying sorry but I can't help it, I always feel the need to take the blame.
I didn't ask for this disease, pain, direction in life and so on. So I need to stop blaming myself and feeling like I am the one who has sinned to cause the above. When I know how hard I try to be the best person possible. I need to focus more on that fact.
Day 19;
How are you making the world a better place?
Oh wow. Hard question. I never blow my own trumpet. I know for a fact though that I make my purpose in life to help people. So I only hope I do indeed help people. Whether it's through advice, kindness, support, friendship, my research etc.
Day 20;
How can you give yourself a break today?
Chill the hell out! See friends, watch movies and stay in bed to relax.
Day 21;
What's something you are working on and deserve.
Simple - happiness. That is why I am here right now doing these questions and encouraging others to do the same exercise.
I strongly believe that happiness is the key to life.
Day 22;
What things make you feel bad but you find yourself doing them anyway?
Trying to keep up with people whether it's in the sense of health, life and careers. I still think and believe I am superwoman and can do it all, when in my reality my body isn't a robot and needs looking after. Unfortunately I am not like other people my age. This upsets me more than words can express which is why I continue to push myself but I suffer for it - big time.
Pleasing people - I am always going out of my way to keep people happy. The favour is rarely returned and does not feed my own happiness but often leaves me drained and upset.
Self-blame, a serious bad habit I need to break. It only bring sadness and negatively into my life.
Day 23;
What does you support system look like? How can you make it stronger?
My support system is the best and I am the luckiest girl alive to have them. I am thankful for them everyday. They are close friends and family who are all amazing people as well as my online support from my lovely followers who offer words of support, kindness and motivation everyday. The only way to make the system stronger is for me to be more open and honest about my suffering not to cover it up or hide my pain.
It would also be amazing for my friends to be able to stay in my home more as our lives are so busy and we don't live around the corner from each other. With being unable to drive I feel awfully guilty about everyone always travelling to me and ultimately I see less of them.
Day 24;
What something would you wish someone would say to you?
I have two things, so will express them both to you.
Gosh you are a real fighter.
To encourage me to be more at peace with my ways of battling through this disease and no matter how long, painful and rough the journey is with all the blips and sad days I'm doing a good job.
I will never forget you!
I hope to touch people, everyone in ways that others simply can't so that I will forever be unforgettable and missed.
Day 25;
What things are you really good at?
I love doing my poetry, of course I loved swimming, I enjoy cooking ( experimenting and making all sort ), mindful colouring and I hope advising people.
Day 26;
What parts of yourself are you ashamed of? What does you shadow self look like?
My shadow self was a fit, bubbly, giggly and driven girl. Now I fear I am boring, slow and well poorly.
This upsets me deeply. I feel I am becoming a person I really hoped I would never become.
Unfortunately I don't have a high opinion of myself which I feel vulnerable saying this but I am ashamed of myself as a whole. I harbour guilt for the strains I put on my loved ones, I doubt my strength and abilities and get upset at myself for not being where I want to be in life.
Day 27;
What's one choice right now can you make that your future self will thank you for.
Be kinder to myself! Conquring that task will open the doors to a happy life.
Day 28;
Who are your role models and what qualities do you share with them.
My Mum; her kind heart ( I hope ), her motivation and drive, her fighter skills, her pain tolerance levels, her willingness to help others in every way she possibly can.
Day 29;
What words or beliefs do you want to live by?
'I may lose a battle, but I will win the war.'
'Knowledge is power.'
'Something fall apart for better things to come together.'
'If you are going through hell, keep going.'
'Organisation is the keep to success.'
Day 30;
What labels, negative and positive do you assign yourself?
Negative;
- not enough
- weak
- my own worst enemy!
Positive;
- kind
- driven, motivated and inspired
- determined
Day 31;
Going forward how can you commit to loving yourself everyday?
Remind myself of these questions and answers, that everyone deserves happiness and that it is the ultimate key. I know in my heart of hearts I am doing the best I can. That's all I can ask of myself and anyone else can ask of me.
So, wow that was hard going! There you have it though. 31 days of self love. I encourage you all to answer these questions. Write them down and use them to refer back to, to help you all improve your levels of the self-love.
Do you like and have you enjoyed this post?
Let me know!!
This post is definitely me stripped down and open.
It's always best to be truthful otherwise the exercise would be of no benefit. I truly hope it helps you all.
Love and peace,
S
Xoxo